Oh hello...

Well in true twenty-something fashion, here I am again after a long hiatus! I've decided to revisit my blog and see if I can reincarnate it into something new; possibly a manifestation of my ever changing life. I'm getting sentimental as I advance through my twenties... I turned another year older in October and I'm starting to realize how important my family and true friends are. As the holidays rolled around I made sure I was spending time with those most important to me and enjoying the time of year.

I also am recovering from the biggest career hit I've had; I made it to a promising second round interview for a teaching position in August... only to receive the rejection letter two weeks later. After interviews and rejections from three school districts, I decided I needed a break from the hell I was putting myself through all summer and concentrated on work and fun!

This has been a year of immense change for me. I traveled (although not nearly as far away or as long as I dream of traveling some day), ate, drank, loved, and lost. I joined a gym and discovered spinning class. I went to Ocean City, Vermont, New Hampshire, and Lake George. I saw a broadway show and an NFL game. I'm trying to just live my life and let it be.

I'm also learning what it means to have to make some grown-up decisions. My boyfriend and I have talked about getting engaged and decided it was time to start looking for a home! It's the scariest thing I've ever had to do, but we're working through it together. The hardest part is trying to find what we can afford without sacrificing what we want. I can say with certainty that we have seen some of the scariest houses ever... But in the mean time, I'm waiting for that ring :)

The other grown-up thing I had to do was say goodbye to someone who was causing harm in my life. I have had this twenty-something friend since we were in Kindergarten and we've been in each other's lives, even while I was away at college. But consistently throughout our friendship I have realized that this friend has some issues (but don't we all?) and I was making excuses for her. First and foremost, she lies to people and not just your garden variety white lies. She would lie about major issues such as her health and life experiences. In the beginning I would give her the benefit of the doubt... but soon her stories didn't match up and I would catch her in the lies. She is also tremendously needy. I would get repeated phone calls, texts, voicemails, Facebook messages... and they would keep coming if I didn't answer them. She wants to meet up multiple nights a week, take day trips on the weekend, go to clubs or out for drinks. I finally decided that I was in a different place than she is. I love to see my friends, to go out for a good time, but I need a low maintenance friendship with someone who doesn't purposely try to make me feel guilty if I haven't seen them in a week. After our first and only major fight, I decided it would be better if we didn't speak. I weighed the pros and cons of our friendship and decided that anything that takes more from your life than it adds shouldn't be a part of it.

So there you have it in a nutshell. I hope that I can begin posting some interesting things so I don't torture you too much with my little anecdotes. We'll see!

Return of a twenty-something

My friends, I'm back once again after a short hiatus. From time to time, I find that my life takes a little detour from the conventional and when my frolicking, flower picking inner-self looks up to see where I am, I realize how lost I've become. The events of the last month or so have included:

• Starting a new job. NO, I am not the glamourous, super fabulous, bright-eyed, bushy-tailed first year teacher that I was hoping I would be... but I'm still looking for that. 

• Filling out approximately 3,476 job applications resulting in 1 interview. I have successfully churned out more cover letters and resumes than was previously thought possible. I'm sick of practically pleading with people to hire me!

• Reading. I finally finished "Marie Antoinette: The Journey" by Antonia Frasier and started "Mental Floss History of the United States" by Erik Sass. I also just bought the hysterical "Dead End Gene Pool" by Wendy Burden, the great-great-great-great granddaughter of Cornelius Vanderbilt. I know, I'm exciting.

• Contemplating the next big thing that I just feel is destined to come my way. I feel like I'm ready to welcome some change in my life, but I have no idea in what form I could possibly do so. I can't move, I can't find my desired job, and I'm happy and settled in my love life... so I've filled my summer with vacations. For real, so far I've been to New Hampshire and Vermont (twice) and I'm going to Ocean City, New Hampshire, and a few other destinations before the summer's official end. These are all family affairs mind you, so they haven't cost me very much at all. 

So as you can see, my life is one full friggin' oyster. I don't exactly know what the source of my discontent is; mostly I think it comes from the looming upcoming school year and my lack of teaching security. If I have to spend another year as a substitute, I might scream. Lately I've been looking for joy in the simplest of places, i.e. my scrapbooks, jewelry making, and ice cream. I'll just try to enjoy the summer while it lasts. 

Up NEXT: I'll tell you a little about my latest beauty escapade... LEG WAXING. 

Twenty-something break-ups

I spoke to my best friend and fellow twenty-something on Friday, a fabulous woman who I have admired (and sometimes been jealous of) since high school. We chatted about making double date plans for that evening and she said she would call me back when her boyfriend made it home from work so she could check with him. When I didn't hear from her, I figured they were both exhausted and she would get back to me later in the weekend.

The next day, I got a short and shocking text from her:

"We broke up. It's over."

Just like that, her world had come crashing down around her. Her twenty-something boyfriend of three years had ended it after just one year of living together. When we talked, I could hear the devastation in her voice and I felt sad and sick just thinking about what she is going through. When she told me what had gone down, I couldn't help but raise an eyebrow at his reasons for the split. 

"I'm sorry, my feelings have changed. I'm not ready to get married. I don't think it's going to work out. You don't let me hang out with my friends. We always have the same fights."

I'm sorry... "you don't let me hang out with my friends"? What are we, twelve years old? And seemingly overnight, your feelings have changed? I was feeling a little bit skeptical at this sudden and swift departure. When I saw best friend the next day, she told me more of the story. She said that as if this was enough hurt, he had been acting like everything was okay. He told her the night of the break-up that he "still wanted her in his life" and he wanted her to stay at the apartment with him that night because he "wanted to know she would be safe." Oh, so you want to have your cake and eat it too? On what planet is it acceptable to break a person's heart because of a selfish desire for childish freedoms and expect them to sleep in the same bed as you? Or even to expect them to be your friend afterward? She said it was so surreal, that it was like she didn't even know who he was.

This is the problem I had with my twenty-something ex and what I have observed many men and women my age experiencing. Many twenty-something women want a serious, loving, fun relationship. Many twenty-something men seem to be wandering around in a world of beers, sports, and video games. Many of them that I know want to be able to do everything they want to at the exact moment it is possible to do it. Awesome new video game just purchased? Last minute trip to the bar with the guys? Back to back to back sporting events on t.v.? The men I know have a need for instant gratification; if something fun or interesting presents itself, they want in regardless of what's going on around them. So it leaves us wondering; when do twenty-something men grow up?

Freedom has a far different meaning when you get into a committed relationship with someone. Men and women SHOULD be able to be together but separate, doing things with one another and having fun on their own terms. The difference is when you are part of a couple, you have a responsibility to the other person to let them know about your plans and MOST of all, to make time for them in your life and put them first.

GUYS LISTEN UP: 

This spontaneous evening out with the boys is certainly not the last trip to the bar nor should it matter what they say when you decline-- at least you have a beautiful, dedicated, caring woman in your bed at home that WANTS TO BE WITH YOU. Show us some love and make us feel important and we will happily send you off with a kiss the next time you go out with the boys.

For now, I'm just trying to help best friend work through this. And even though she's missing him now, I know she deserves better.

Fathers, be good to your daughters

I have some of the best memories about my dad that a girl could have. I remember my dad taking us for ice cream and telling so many jokes to make me laugh that the ice cream was melting before I could eat it. I remember him teaching me how to change a flat tire. I remember listening to music for hours and he would show me all of his favorite songs. I remember him teaching me how to ride a bike.

I wish that I could say that he was around for more of my childhood and now as a twentysomething, I miss him even more. I bet you think by the way I'm talking about him he's been gone for a long time... but the truth is, he is alive and well, living in the same town. My dad has an alcohol problem and when my parents divorced when I was 9 years old, I saw less and less of him.

Sure, he'd come to football games when I was cheering and he was at all three of my graduation ceremonies, so it's not that I never saw him. But I cling to the special memories I have because I still crave the father-daughter bond that has been lacking for most of my life. Despite his troubles, my dad is a great guy and a loving father who always treated me as "daddy's little girl."  He is one of the most knowledgeable, curious people I know and has lived through so much. If I called him and said I needed him, he would be there. So is it strange that now, as a twentysomething I need my dad in my life more than ever?

There is no denying that there have been many instances in the past where his choices and behaviors have hurt me. But I've dealt with all of that heartache and have forgiven him because I realize we only get one father in this life. I've come through all of it and came out okay. So I'm ready now to make an effort to have him in my life because I'm lucky to still have my dad around.

I think that the father-daughter relationship is more instrumental in a woman's life than most people realize. Having a strong man to guide his daughter and provide a good example can mean a world of difference in how a woman handles herself and her relationships with others throughout her life. While I may have made some bad decisions here and there, I feel like I'm on a good path. I think it's the good memories with my dad that carried me through and the good advice that he has given me that's helped me along the way. That's the wonderful part about being a twentysomething; the past has made me who I am and the future is up to me to define.

I think I'll call him today.

Summertime Braids

There is something ridiculously cute and feminine about braids, especially in the summer. I found these hippie, beachy, mermaid-inspired braids with video tutorials on Beautylish... I'm gonna try the style in the lower right hand corner of the picture below, but I think I need to grow my hair a little more. I'll post my results!

Fashion via art

I have such a hard time shopping for entire outfits. My style is more, "Oooh, that's a pretty top/necklace/pair of shoes, I'll buy it" later realizing that I have absolutely nothing to wear with it and no clue what I should buy to go with it. I recently found this page with posts entitled "Art Inspired Outfits" by a blogger named Georgina at Sweet and offbeat.

Girlfriend is a GENIUS. 

I have always been an art-lover and what better place to take cues on color and texture than artists themselves?! She has dozens of outfits that she has put together inspired by some of the greatest works of all time. This is definitely a way to put together clothing that makes sense. The only drawback? Most of the pieces are designer labels, but I think that with a little bit of leg work the styles can easily be replicated with less expensive choices. Here are just a few of my favorites:

John William Godward by Georgina. featuring sleeveless dresses

Rouen Cathedral, The Portal in the Sun - Claude Monet by Georgina. featuring a double breasted trench coat

The Birth of Venus Sandro Botticelli by Georgina. featuring studded handbags

And my ALL TIME FAVORITE ARTIST, Frida Kahlo:

Frida Kahlo by Georgina. featuring vintage style necklaces

Now I can get something chic and fabulous.

Lost in a sea of..... maturitiy?

Anyone who knows me knows that I have a tendency to reminisce and comprehensively analyze the things in my life that I didn't know what to make of at the time. It may be my way of coping with the less than stellar moments of my childhood or maybe it helps me find some peace about some of the stupid things I've done. I realized in my pensive state yesterday that I have been out of college for exactly a year now and I couldn't help but think about all of the events that collectively created my adolescence and beginning of my twenties. A million moments come to mind, filled with laughs and tears, the faces of people who have come and gone, the feelings of puppy love, the happiest and most terrifying events imaginable...

I just found myself suddenly reliving these moments, bringing up emotions as if they were fresh to me, remembering people that I miss and some that I had resolved to forget altogether. I found some VERY old messages while cleaning out my mailbox on Facebook and reading through them continued this trek down memory lane. By the time I got through all of them, I found myself wondering why I never stood up for myself more and why I tried so hard to get other people to accept me. I was looking at my former self, my young, inexperienced, teenage self, feeling slightly embarrassed that I was so naive and sorry for all of the things I missed out on because I lacked self-esteem.

But there it was looking me in the face. A chronological documentation of  my college days, fights with roommates, desperate pleas for forgiveness (both incoming and outgoing), catching up with old childhood friends... Evidence of not just what happened, but how I handled it.

Plain and simple, I was a doormat.

I craved human contact, I felt alone and ripped away from my friends at home when I went away to school. I felt so alone that I desperately tried to make friends, allowed people to walk all over me and did ridiculous things to try and feel accepted. And each year, I found these "friends" no where to be found and I would start over again the next year. I constantly felt like an outcast, a tag-along.

The thing is, I've changed. I can visualize exactly how I would handle things differently, I can see how fucked up all the little games we used to play with one another were. I feel liberated knowing that I am happy with who I am now and empowered knowing that I can handle situations in my life in a healthy manner. And the thing is, I think that a lot of the people (especially the girls) that I didn't get along with, that lied to me, that were inconsiderate and sometimes cruel have grown up too... and some of them clearly have not. All I can do is be glad knowing that I'm in a better place now and am better able to have meaningful and lasting relationships with others.

You have to love yourself before you can give others the love they deserve.