Tales of a Twenty-something

Oh hello...

2011-12-28T10:53:00.000-05:00

Well in true twenty-something fashion, here I am again after a long hiatus! I've decided to revisit my blog and see if I can reincarnate it into something new; possibly a manifestation of my ever changing life. I'm getting sentimental as I advance through my twenties... I turned another year older in October and I'm starting to realize how important my family and true friends are. As the holidays rolled around I made sure I was spending time with those most important to me and enjoying the time of year.

I also am recovering from the biggest career hit I've had; I made it to a promising second round interview for a teaching position in August... only to receive the rejection letter two weeks later. After interviews and rejections from three school districts, I decided I needed a break from the hell I was putting myself through all summer and concentrated on work and fun!

This has been a year of immense change for me. I traveled (although not nearly as far away or as long as I dream of traveling some day), ate, drank, loved, and lost. I joined a gym and discovered spinning class. I went to Ocean City, Vermont, New Hampshire, and Lake George. I saw a broadway show and an NFL game. I'm trying to just live my life and let it be.

I'm also learning what it means to have to make some grown-up decisions. My boyfriend and I have talked about getting engaged and decided it was time to start looking for a home! It's the scariest thing I've ever had to do, but we're working through it together. The hardest part is trying to find what we can afford without sacrificing what we want. I can say with certainty that we have seen some of the scariest houses ever... But in the mean time, I'm waiting for that ring :)

The other grown-up thing I had to do was say goodbye to someone who was causing harm in my life. I have had this twenty-something friend since we were in Kindergarten and we've been in each other's lives, even while I was away at college. But consistently throughout our friendship I have realized that this friend has some issues (but don't we all?) and I was making excuses for her. First and foremost, she lies to people and not just your garden variety white lies. She would lie about major issues such as her health and life experiences. In the beginning I would give her the benefit of the doubt... but soon her stories didn't match up and I would catch her in the lies. She is also tremendously needy. I would get repeated phone calls, texts, voicemails, Facebook messages... and they would keep coming if I didn't answer them. She wants to meet up multiple nights a week, take day trips on the weekend, go to clubs or out for drinks. I finally decided that I was in a different place than she is. I love to see my friends, to go out for a good time, but I need a low maintenance friendship with someone who doesn't purposely try to make me feel guilty if I haven't seen them in a week. After our first and only major fight, I decided it would be better if we didn't speak. I weighed the pros and cons of our friendship and decided that anything that takes more from your life than it adds shouldn't be a part of it.

So there you have it in a nutshell. I hope that I can begin posting some interesting things so I don't torture you too much with my little anecdotes. We'll see!

Return of a twenty-something

2011-07-31T09:05:00.002-04:00

My friends, I'm back once again after a short hiatus. From time to time, I find that my life takes a little detour from the conventional and when my frolicking, flower picking inner-self looks up to see where I am, I realize how lost I've become. The events of the last month or so have included:

Starting a new job. NO, I am not the glamourous, super fabulous, bright-eyed, bushy-tailed first year teacher that I was hoping I would be... but I'm still looking for that.

Filling out approximately 3,476 job applications resulting in 1 interview. I have successfully churned out more cover letters and resumes than was previously thought possible. I'm sick of practically pleading with people to hire me!

Reading. I finally finished "Marie Antoinette: The Journey" by Antonia Frasier and started "Mental Floss History of the United States" by Erik Sass. I also just bought the hysterical "Dead End Gene Pool" by Wendy Burden, the great-great-great-great granddaughter of Cornelius Vanderbilt. I know, I'm exciting.

Contemplating the next big thing that I just feel is destined to come my way. I feel like I'm ready to welcome some change in my life, but I have no idea in what form I could possibly do so. I can't move, I can't find my desired job, and I'm happy and settled in my love life... so I've filled my summer with vacations. For real, so far I've been to New Hampshire and Vermont (twice) and I'm going to Ocean City, New Hampshire, and a few other destinations before the summer's official end. These are all family affairs mind you, so they haven't cost me very much at all.

So as you can see, my life is one full friggin' oyster. I don't exactly know what the source of my discontent is; mostly I think it comes from the looming upcoming school year and my lack of teaching security. If I have to spend another year as a substitute, I might scream. Lately I've been looking for joy in the simplest of places, i.e. my scrapbooks, jewelry making, and ice cream. I'll just try to enjoy the summer while it lasts.

Up NEXT: I'll tell you a little about my latest beauty escapade... LEG WAXING.

Twenty-something break-ups

2011-06-14T11:01:00.005-04:00

I spoke to my best friend and fellow twenty-something on Friday, a fabulous woman who I have admired (and sometimes been jealous of) since high school. We chatted about making double date plans for that evening and she said she would call me back when her boyfriend made it home from work so she could check with him. When I didn't hear from her, I figured they were both exhausted and she would get back to me later in the weekend.

The next day, I got a short and shocking text from her:

"We broke up. It's over."

Just like that, her world had come crashing down around her. Her twenty-something boyfriend of three years had ended it after just one year of living together. When we talked, I could hear the devastation in her voice and I felt sad and sick just thinking about what she is going through. When she told me what had gone down, I couldn't help but raise an eyebrow at his reasons for the split.

"I'm sorry, my feelings have changed. I'm not ready to get married. I don't think it's going to work out. You don't let me hang out with my friends. We always have the same fights."

I'm sorry... "you don't let me hang out with my friends"? What are we, twelve years old? And seemingly overnight, your feelings have changed? I was feeling a little bit skeptical at this sudden and swift departure. When I saw best friend the next day, she told me more of the story. She said that as if this was enough hurt, he had been acting like everything was okay. He told her the night of the break-up that he "still wanted her in his life" and he wanted her to stay at the apartment with him that night because he "wanted to know she would be safe." Oh, so you want to have your cake and eat it too? On what planet is it acceptable to break a person's heart because of a selfish desire for childish freedoms and expect them to sleep in the same bed as you? Or even to expect them to be your friend afterward? She said it was so surreal, that it was like she didn't even know who he was.

This is the problem I had with my twenty-something ex and what I have observed many men and women my age experiencing. Many twenty-something women want a serious, loving, fun relationship. Many twenty-something men seem to be wandering around in a world of beers, sports, and video games. Many of them that I know want to be able to do everything they want to at the exact moment it is possible to do it. Awesome new video game just purchased? Last minute trip to the bar with the guys? Back to back to back sporting events on t.v.? The men I know have a need for instant gratification; if something fun or interesting presents itself, they want in regardless of what's going on around them. So it leaves us wondering; when do twenty-something men grow up?

Freedom has a far different meaning when you get into a committed relationship with someone. Men and women SHOULD be able to be together but separate, doing things with one another and having fun on their own terms. The difference is when you are part of a couple, you have a responsibility to the other person to let them know about your plans and MOST of all, to make time for them in your life and put them first.

GUYS LISTEN UP:

This spontaneous evening out with the boys is certainly not the last trip to the bar nor should it matter what they say when you decline-- at least you have a beautiful, dedicated, caring woman in your bed at home that WANTS TO BE WITH YOU. Show us some love and make us feel important and we will happily send you off with a kiss the next time you go out with the boys.

For now, I'm just trying to help best friend work through this. And even though she's missing him now, I know she deserves better.

Fathers, be good to your daughters

2011-06-08T10:03:00.001-04:00

I have some of the best memories about my dad that a girl could have. I remember my dad taking us for ice cream and telling so many jokes to make me laugh that the ice cream was melting before I could eat it. I remember him teaching me how to change a flat tire. I remember listening to music for hours and he would show me all of his favorite songs. I remember him teaching me how to ride a bike.

I wish that I could say that he was around for more of my childhood and now as a twentysomething, I miss him even more. I bet you think by the way I'm talking about him he's been gone for a long time... but the truth is, he is alive and well, living in the same town. My dad has an alcohol problem and when my parents divorced when I was 9 years old, I saw less and less of him.

Sure, he'd come to football games when I was cheering and he was at all three of my graduation ceremonies, so it's not that I never saw him. But I cling to the special memories I have because I still crave the father-daughter bond that has been lacking for most of my life. Despite his troubles, my dad is a great guy and a loving father who always treated me as "daddy's little girl." He is one of the most knowledgeable, curious people I know and has lived through so much. If I called him and said I needed him, he would be there. So is it strange that now, as a twentysomething I need my dad in my life more than ever?

There is no denying that there have been many instances in the past where his choices and behaviors have hurt me. But I've dealt with all of that heartache and have forgiven him because I realize we only get one father in this life. I've come through all of it and came out okay. So I'm ready now to make an effort to have him in my life because I'm lucky to still have my dad around.

I think that the father-daughter relationship is more instrumental in a woman's life than most people realize. Having a strong man to guide his daughter and provide a good example can mean a world of difference in how a woman handles herself and her relationships with others throughout her life. While I may have made some bad decisions here and there, I feel like I'm on a good path. I think it's the good memories with my dad that carried me through and the good advice that he has given me that's helped me along the way. That's the wonderful part about being a twentysomething; the past has made me who I am and the future is up to me to define.

I think I'll call him today.

Summertime Braids

2011-06-03T13:49:00.000-04:00

There is something ridiculously cute and feminine about braids, especially in the summer. I found these hippie, beachy, mermaid-inspired braids with video tutorials on Beautylish... I'm gonna try the style in the lower right hand corner of the picture below, but I think I need to grow my hair a little more. I'll post my results!

Fashion via art

2011-06-01T11:42:00.002-04:00

I have such a hard time shopping for entire outfits. My style is more, "Oooh, that's a pretty top/necklace/pair of shoes, I'll buy it" later realizing that I have absolutely nothing to wear with it and no clue what I should buy to go with it. I recently found this page with posts entitled "Art Inspired Outfits" by a blogger named Georgina at Sweet and offbeat.

Girlfriend is a GENIUS.

I have always been an art-lover and what better place to take cues on color and texture than artists themselves?! She has dozens of outfits that she has put together inspired by some of the greatest works of all time. This is definitely a way to put together clothing that makes sense. The only drawback? Most of the pieces are designer labels, but I think that with a little bit of leg work the styles can easily be replicated with less expensive choices. Here are just a few of my favorites:

John William Godward by Georgina. featuring sleeveless dresses

Rouen Cathedral, The Portal in the Sun - Claude Monet by Georgina. featuring a double breasted trench coat

The Birth of Venus Sandro Botticelli by Georgina. featuring studded handbags

And my ALL TIME FAVORITE ARTIST, Frida Kahlo:

Frida Kahlo by Georgina. featuring vintage style necklaces

Now I can get something chic and fabulous.

Lost in a sea of..... maturitiy?

2011-05-31T17:50:00.000-04:00

Anyone who knows me knows that I have a tendency to reminisce and comprehensively analyze the things in my life that I didn't know what to make of at the time. It may be my way of coping with the less than stellar moments of my childhood or maybe it helps me find some peace about some of the stupid things I've done. I realized in my pensive state yesterday that I have been out of college for exactly a year now and I couldn't help but think about all of the events that collectively created my adolescence and beginning of my twenties. A million moments come to mind, filled with laughs and tears, the faces of people who have come and gone, the feelings of puppy love, the happiest and most terrifying events imaginable...

I just found myself suddenly reliving these moments, bringing up emotions as if they were fresh to me, remembering people that I miss and some that I had resolved to forget altogether. I found some VERY old messages while cleaning out my mailbox on Facebook and reading through them continued this trek down memory lane. By the time I got through all of them, I found myself wondering why I never stood up for myself more and why I tried so hard to get other people to accept me. I was looking at my former self, my young, inexperienced, teenage self, feeling slightly embarrassed that I was so naive and sorry for all of the things I missed out on because I lacked self-esteem.

But there it was looking me in the face. A chronological documentation of my college days, fights with roommates, desperate pleas for forgiveness (both incoming and outgoing), catching up with old childhood friends... Evidence of not just what happened, but how I handled it.

Plain and simple, I was a doormat.

I craved human contact, I felt alone and ripped away from my friends at home when I went away to school. I felt so alone that I desperately tried to make friends, allowed people to walk all over me and did ridiculous things to try and feel accepted. And each year, I found these "friends" no where to be found and I would start over again the next year. I constantly felt like an outcast, a tag-along.

The thing is, I've changed. I can visualize exactly how I would handle things differently, I can see how fucked up all the little games we used to play with one another were. I feel liberated knowing that I am happy with who I am now and empowered knowing that I can handle situations in my life in a healthy manner. And the thing is, I think that a lot of the people (especially the girls) that I didn't get along with, that lied to me, that were inconsiderate and sometimes cruel have grown up too... and some of them clearly have not. All I can do is be glad knowing that I'm in a better place now and am better able to have meaningful and lasting relationships with others.

You have to love yourself before you can give others the love they deserve.

Those who CAN do... SHOULD teach!!!

2011-05-20T12:17:00.003-04:00

So as part of my twenty-something experience in the last year, I have tried to transition from my role as a free-bird college student to responsible, career-oriented, degree-holding adult. After getting my master's degree in teaching last May, I put on my most professional looking ensemble, trekked out to many a job fair to chuck my resume at anyone who would take it, and sent out a gazillion job applications. And the reward for my years of hard work, sleepless nights, and many student loans wasssss.... NOTHING. No jobs. Not even a single interview.

I was told that the job situation in my area wasn't the greatest, especially for teachers, due largely in part to the shrinking budgets for school districts and the grand cut-backs many schools are facing. Add that to me being a bright-eyed and bushy-tailed new graduate with a lack of experience and I was about as attractive a candidate as Donald Trump for president. So I went back to work at my summer job thinking, "Oh this will help me in the interim until something comes along." Flash forward one year and here I am, still without a job in my field, still in debt, and still hating my job as a file clerk at an office.

That's right, I have a master's in teaching and I currently spend my days alphabetizing last names.

So the overwhelming lack of response to my credentials has without a doubt concerned me. It's not that I feel entitled to automatically have a job, but I can't help but notice how many of my classmates who live elsewhere are teaching their hearts out this year. I had a phone interview several weeks ago and at the end the woman said, "Just so you know, we usually only hire teachers with two or more years of experience."

Okayyyyyy... so WHO exactly WILL hire me with NO EXPERIENCE?!?!

I am trying to remain optimistic, even though teachers definitely don't have it easy right now. I find it ironic that I'm fighting my way into a profession that is seriously under fire. But I'm barely making enough at my little 9-5 job to cover the massive student loan payments twice a month. I just hope someone will take a chance on me because I have so many ideas and A LOT of drive.

Other teachers help me remain grounded and hopeful, people such as my cousin who is a FABULOUS teacher and my professors who stood by me throughout my journey. I also have come to love the lady over at It's Not All Flowers and Sausages, Mrs. Mimi, who I discovered by reading her book of the same name. She is a seriously funny lady and a super-teacher, one that helps me to remain focused and hopeful. Check out her blog and book... I promise you will thank me for the laughs.

StumbleUpon

2011-05-18T09:56:00.000-04:00

Do you Stumble? Oh, well you must...

I discovered StumbleUpon when I was in college and if you have never tried it or are just feeling bored with the internet, you have to get on and start Stumbling. The website takes you all over the internet to sites you never would have discovered. When you sign up, you can customize your interests and search specific topics as well as add new sites that you know about. Here are just a few of my favorite finds:

Hysterical Mental Floss article on old photos.

"A Guide to Lunchtime Social Groups, Through Life"

Mini Fruit Pies!?!? Amazing.

Vintage Style clothing... Boho is back!

Enough said.

Incredibly crafty Sailor's Knot doorstop.

Classic humor t-shirts.

So what are you waiting for?! Get on and start Stumbling... but be warned, it's addicting!!

Poetry Man

2011-05-17T09:03:00.006-04:00

'Poetry Man' Movie Poster

My family has long been comprised of talented people; singers, writers, painters, artists of all types. But yesterday I was excited to find out about my Uncle Joey and his latest endeavor in the arts. Joseph Diaz has been an actor his whole life, taking roles in theater, television, and even independent films. I have basically adored his charm and ability to entertain us all since I was a little girl.

But his latest project has landed him a role in an independent short which is showing at The Cannes Film Festival this year in the Short Film Corner. The short is entitled, 'Poetry Man' written and directed by James McSherry, an author and teacher from the Bronx. The film is based on a true story about his life in the Bronx and includes roles played by prominent actors Peter Greene (Pulp Fiction, The Mask) and Bill Clark (NYPD Blue). There are production photos on McSherry's profile on the IMDb site (a few that include my uncle). This is the trailer below from YouTube:

The film is also being shown today at the 1st Annual Bronx Week Film Festival which kicks off today, but tickets are sold out :( The festival is also screening the film 'Bronx Paradise' another Bronx life movie which my uncle has a great role.

I can't wait to see the film and I've never been more proud to be related to someone so awesome.

Check out 'Poetry Man' and the other amazing borough-inspired shorts showing this week.

Long live the Boogie Down Bronx.

Royal Wedding Post: Better late than never!!

2011-05-03T20:37:00.001-04:00

So I've fallen off of the relevancy truck due to my lack of posts lately, but I can't help but blog about the Royal Wedding. I woke up the day of to catch the Prince and Princess coming out of the church and climbing into to the carriage for the ride back to the palace. I had really convinced myself that I wasn't too interested in participating in the royal gawkfest, but when I saw how lovely Kate Middleton looked and thought of how richly the marriage was steeped in tradition, I was hooked.

HER. DRESS. WAS. STUNNING.

She looked simple and beautiful and I admired how lovingly they looked at one another during the carriage ride. The vows. The kiss. The flowers. Every little girl dreams of being a princess; I can't imagine how she felt that it was becoming her reality. I had weddings on the brain before, but this just put it on steriods for me.

Hey a girl can dream.

Fabulous Finds

2011-04-19T20:14:00.001-04:00

I stumbled across this ADORABLE set from Cargo Cosmetics and I'm so psyched about spring that I think is just the look I will be going for as the weather gets warmer. And at $34, what more could you ask for!?!

It's definitely just been added to my "list of things".... but more about that later.

Affairs of the Office: A long, yet insightful look at the the dirt behind the scenes

2011-04-13T20:28:00.003-04:00

I've been spending a lot of time working lately and as a result I've had a lot of time to think about things, which if you know me isn't so unusual. I have worked in many offices and have found that there is no microcosm more fascinating and frustrating than the professional workplace. If you think about it, being forced into a relatively confined space with these random people for many hours every week seems to be the equivalent of some horrible punishment or something, but it has forced me to examine myself and carefully examine others. The "others" I'm referencing are my co-workers, some of whom I genuinely enjoy in my company, others I merely tolerate because I have to. You learn the most about people when you work with them and since I've been here I've found that the most outwardly kind and seemingly normal people are really the most fucked up ones in secret. Now let me be clear, we have the same "normal dysfunction" that I've found in every office environment I've ever worked in. Lunches and attractive snacks mysteriously vanish from the refrigerator, no one changes the empty jug on the water cooler when they take the last drop, and God help you if you touch something on some one's desk or move it out of its place. These are just what I consider the normal little things that make you want to just choke someone else for their stupidity.

But this place... has something different. The relationships between people here are different. For one thing, the gossip that goes on here is on steroids. It's a big, ugly, sweaty beast that is constantly present. People talk about one another as casually as they discuss the weather or what they ate for breakfast, so even if you've done nothing deserving it, it's hard not to be worried about what's being said about you. More frighteningly, many people here live behind a self-created facade of balance, peace, and happiness in their lives. And I think this understanding is where it all started when I came here three years ago.

I'm a self-proclaimed free spirit and when I first came to work here in the summer as a young twenty something I was ready for a big change to enter my life, waiting for a sonic boom to impact my universe. And while I was open and waiting, I met him. From the moment he showed an interest in me, we began this wind-swept romance, two young, single people completely enamored with one another in the heat of the scorching days and against the backdrop of the starry summer nights. There were many whispers around the office about us while we snuck around and tried to avoid the prying eyes from being so involved in our innocent beginnings. So we fell in love. And we stayed together and eventually told our co-workers. Things went back to normal and people seemed happy for us that we had found one another.

The next summer when I came back from college, we were still going strong. As the summer progressed, those all too familiar whispers began to circulate again. But this time, they weren't about us, a normal pair of single young people. They were about two other employees, both in their 40's, both married to other people, both with teenage children. This was pretty much THE hot gossip topic in the office as these two tried to discreetly carry on their steamy affair in front of everyone. Eventually, they both left and divorced their spouses for one another. But two sets of employees lusting after each other in the course of a year? It seemed a very improbable scenario, but it happened nevertheless.

So now with that in the recent history books, things seemed to come back to normalcy. Recently we got a small wave of new employees to replenish some of those that had mental breakdowns or got out while the getting was good. With this also flew in the rumors again; those tiny whispers are currently making their way through the mill and appointing the Scarlet Letter on a new pair of unsuspecting co-workers. Although this has not been definitively confirmed, their every move is being scrutinized and attributed to some part of their
sneaking around.

Is it something in the water? Has the premise of the exciting "new relationship" tainted peoples beliefs in the sanctity of marriage? When did being unfaithful come into Vogue? As a twenty-something witnessing these episodes, I am feeling like:

#1. I am caught in the story line of a bad soap opera, and

#2. Nothing smells worse than the stench of other peoples desperation.

PEOPLE, get a grip. Stop pretending, find what makes you happy, and pursue it without dragging down everyone around you (especially the people you claim to have once loved). I've learned that in the end, being set free has nothing to do with others and everything to do with yourself. But honestly, people have to learn to work with one another without seeking a potential a love connection when you're already involved. I guess to some people, the forbidden fruit always looks sweeter.

The Bitch is Back

2011-04-06T20:16:00.000-04:00

After a loooooong hiatus, I have decided to return to my blogging roots and breathe some life into the old blog. I myself have evolved in the last year, so I hope to bring that to this blog too. I don't know exactly what I expect it to turn into, but I suppose that is why I started this in the first place.

Right now the biggest issue I'm focusing on in my life is losing some weight and getting myself back into shape. I'm doing the Weight Watchers thing, mostly because it is one of the more flexible diets and there is more room to get away from all the pre-packaged foods that many programs try to peddle. I'm finding that I'm slow to adjust to what I like to call, my personal "hungry factor"; that is, every time I'm hungry I find whatever food happens to be in the vicinity and shove it in my face. And anyone that knows me well enough knows that when I get too hungry, I get EVIL. I legitimately turn into a snarling, red-eyed beast.

So in the midst of my second week now, I understand that becoming a healthy person requires a complete lifestyle change; rethinking my old habits and integrating some new ones. One of the habits I'm trying to weave back into my life is jogging. Last year I ran my very first 5K on the MOST humid day of the entire summer. I trained for several months prior to running the race, but lest ye be fooled, I am NO marathon woman. At 5 feet tall, with short stumpy legs (and a full bladder the entire race), I clocked in at 37 minutes... THAT'S RIGHT, a whopping 11.6 minutes per mile, a.k.a. SLOW. But I was pretty proud that I at least finished the race and although I'm just starting my training all over again, I hope to improve this year.

So here's to the new me, the new blog, and to hoping that I can keep up with myself and the next big 'thing' that comes along...

Winter lingers on...

2010-02-26T11:23:00.003-05:00

... well here in the northeast it does. As the snow flutters down today, I find myself at a place in my twentysomething years where I'm feeling restless and confused. Being in my last year of college has been sort of nostalgic; while I desperately cannot wait for this phase of my life to be over and move onto more exciting things, I am petrified of the idea that its almost over. I know I will miss being a college kid, I already do in many ways (grad school isn't exactly the same experience as being an undergrad). Yet I feel restless and stuck as the world outside of here seems to fly by me at a breathtaking pace. I have so much to look forward to in the coming years, the rest of my twentysomething existence. But once it's gone, I know I'll long for these days again.

I think all this gray weather is getting to me. Perhaps with the spring will come my optimism again; who can resist smiling on a warm, sunny day?

¡Por favor!

2009-12-03T18:56:00.001-05:00

So I need to ask a favor... I have noticed how unloved I seem to be due to the lack of 'followers' that I have (in other words, I have NONE). This makes me think that people really are not interested in what I have to say on this blog... which makes me a bit self conscious. So if you are stopping by or you visit regularly, just click the button in the right-hand column and follow me... for my ego's sake!

Pleeeeaseeee? :)

Tequila!

2009-11-11T12:01:00.003-05:00

During my pre-legal drinking age years, I can admit that drinking was really limited to whatever we could get our hands on easily, which usually meant cheap beer or vodka that could take the paint right off of your car. But turning 21 gave me the opportunity to try some really well prepared drinks and enjoy alcohol in a way I hadn't before. This is where I discovered the joy of tequila.

In my experience of asking people about their feelings toward tequila, I have generally heard about a hate-hate relationship, meaning they now hate tequila because tequila hated them one or two times. I haven't had this experience personally, but instead have come to appreciate the liquor more and more over the years. My drink has officially become a margarita on the rocks, with salt, as all my friends expect me to order when we go out for an evening.

I admit that I'm partly enchanted by the many different histories behind the origins of the margarita. Some say it was invented for a showgirl named Marjorie King, who could only drink tequila. Other stories point to a Dallas socialite, Margarita Sames who concocted the drink for a party she hosted or Pancho Morales, a bartender who threw the drink together for a lady who ordered something he couldn't remember how to make.

The rumor I like most about the margarita is that it was invented as a sophisticated way for ladies to drink tequila, rather than slamming it back from a shot glass.

Many people scrunch their noses at the thought of taking a tequila shot, usually because of the harshness of some tequilas, but other times it's the thought of licking the salt along with it. Many of my friends who order the margaritas along with me order their drink without the salt! I try to explain- the reason for the salt AND the lime is to enhance the flavor of the tequila, to help with the burning bite of the liquor (which you will get less of the higher quality tequila you buy).

Perhaps the crowning moment of my tequila/margarita obsession was in Manhattan, at a tequila bar. I walked in with my boyfriend and sat down, looked up, and saw the face of my favorite painter, Frida Kahlo on a bottle of tequila. He immediately bought me a shot upon seeing the delight on my face, a shot that set him back fifteen dollars (yikes!).

So tell me, what is or used to be your drink of choice?

Red Lipstick, Part Deux

2009-11-05T16:39:00.003-05:00

So here it is, the photos of me today! I wore my red lips to the elementary school where I'm doing my

internship. From the moment I put it on and looked in the mirror, I felt a little sexy and classy. At school I got a few compliments, a few stares, and a lot of comments from my 5th graders.

Daniel: "Miss, was that your Halloween costume?"

Anthony: "What are you wearing?!"

TyQuann: "That doesn't match your clothes at all." Then Janiah, the girl sitting next to him said, "She looks good, what do you know about girls anyway?"

Oh, the little darlings never cease to amaze me.

Anyway, here I am again, with my best Top Model face.

A day of touch-ups and worrying that I had lipstick on my teeth was well worth the little extra pep in my step!

Red Lipstick

2009-11-04T21:49:00.002-05:00

Red lipstick is back, although I don't really think it ever went away. I've never been brave enough to try it, but then I saw a post over at Joanna Goddard's blog Cup of Jo and I think the girl in the photo looks gorgeous! There are just so many pros to scarlet lips:

It's classic.

It's feminine.

It can be dressed up or dressed down.

It's does wonders for us blue eyed gals.

(Runway look created by MAC for Ruffian RTW Fall 2009)

And I think I've worked up enough courage to try it tomorrow. I'll take a tip from the girl in the photo and keep my hair and outfit pretty simple and just let the lips speak for themselves (ha ha!). Photos to come, I'll keep you posted.

If I were a rich girl...

2009-11-03T13:23:00.002-05:00

...I'd go shopping. I'm not gonna lie, I like "stuff". Here's some lovely stuff I found on Etsy and other websites:

Dark, large, Victorian-inspired jewelry. I love the rich colors and the weight of the pieces!

Pretty decoupaged glasses/candle holders. The light is so calming coming through the old sheet music.

Central Park prints. Classic!

Interesting, Gothic dress.

Colonial riding dress. I'm a history nerd, so I found this really beautiful and well made, but if you prefer a more modern version:

Rag & Bone Fall 2008 collection.

Handmade bib necklace. There are so many gorgeous ones!

Feather hair pieces = instant glamour!

Beautiful cocktail dresses!

One more! Look at all that tulle!

Oh if I only had the money for these gorgeous things! I love the intensely feminine, dark, softness of a lot of the things I have been seeing lately. Christmas list anyone!?

Birthdays... cheers or tears?

2009-10-16T12:58:00.011-04:00

This past Monday I celebrated another twenty-something birthday by cooking myself dinner and having some drinks. While I did partake in some festivities over the weekend, I spent the actual birthday alone (unless you count Jose Cuervo). As I bundled up with my hot dinner and cool drink, I got to thinking about why only some birthdays are made a big deal of while the rest of our years usually don't merit an epic celebration. Why is it that only our milestones-16, 21, 40-warrant a occasion for our friends to trek from far and wide to be with us and scour the land for special presents? Should it be expected that after celebrating 21 we are to spend future birthdays settling for less until the next milestone? Are we expecting too much when we expect others to make a huge deal out of "our day"?

I have been kind of slighted in respect to birthday celebrations, especially when it came to the milestone birthdays. My 16th birthday was spent doing chores around my parents home with a sullen scowel, only to have my mother accuse me of doing anything to get out of my responsibilities. So I wonder, are we raised with false expectations of what birthdays really mean and how they should be celebrated? Do we expect too much out of others when we are disappointed at their lack of attention to such things? I suppose it depends on those around you and how they value things like this.

For now, I'll leave those birthdays behind me, where they belong... I'm off to the casino this weekend with my friends to celebrate :)

On another fashion note...

2009-10-09T13:21:00.000-04:00

I was over catching up on one of my favorite reads over at The Shoe Girl's Blog and I died a little inside when I saw that she got to try on these:

"Calypso" by Christian Louboutin.

Black velvet and black and blue suede adorned with Swarovski crystals.

Yet another thing that I will never be able to afford... but like I said, a girl can dream!

Work it!

2009-10-08T20:31:00.000-04:00

So another summer has passed and now the crispy fall weather is finally settling in here in New England. One of my more recent pastimes has been checking out the runways and appreciating fashion in its true glory. I was given a copy of New York Magazine in August, featuring fall fashion for '09 and have been drooling over the trends since then. According to the article, collections this season included:

Styles of the 1940's and 1980's: strong shoulders and cinched waists
Shades of bold crimson
Thigh-high boots and boyfriend blazers and coats
Feminine motorcycle jackets
LBD's with plenty of shoulders showing
"Power Belts"
Fur accents
Small all-over patterns; paisley, florals, etc.
Jewel tones OR neons.

It seems from reviewing some of the collections that 'less is more' this season. Here are some of the trends as seen on the runway:

Giorgio Armani

Christian Dior
(I love how the models look like little flapper dolls, don't you?)

Louis Vuitton

Zac Posen

I also loved the biker chick look, even thought I could never pull it off. This look by Rodarte caught my eye:

And this one by Phi:

But if I WERE going to do it, this is how it might look (try to see my vision here...):

Victoria's Secret Quilted Leather Coat - $178
Forever 21 Black Pleated Skirt - $12.90

Hue Black Super Opaque Tights - $12.50
(Some of the BEST tights I've ever worn!)

Etsy Handmade Neck Cowl - $53
(This one is a bit pricey- but I'm crocheting one for myself!)

And OF COURSE, the boots:

Nine West Thigh-high Boots -$139
(Only for the daring!)

GoJane Ankle Boots -$27

So even though I found all the pieces, I still wouldn't be able to afford this outfit! I'll just keep my eye on the runway and keep dreaming...

If you haven't already guessed...

2009-06-01T19:31:00.000-04:00

I've been gone for some time now. As soon as I arrived home after graduation, my wonderful Macbook decided to kill itself. The guy at the tech support place told me I may have lost everything, so after my freakout I quietly left their office without confirming how long it would take to get it back. So now I am without laptop and pretty much feel like I've lost touch with the world. That being said, I will get back to blogging when I have a computer I can work with. I'll be getting over my breakdown until then.

Nostalgia

2009-05-08T12:00:00.001-04:00

Okay, so I couldn't help it... I went to make my breakfast and remembered the box of something special in the cabinet. Do you know who the little androgynous face on the box is?

If you do, you belong to a group of people that know the magic of Farina. I grew up eating the cereal at grandma's house, three blocks from our apartment in the Bronx. She had a very special way of preparing my Farina (including a "secret ingredient") and ever since, I've been a snob about the way I enjoy it. It must be made with milk, NOT water, have butter in both the beginning and end of the preparation, and one and a half teaspoons of sugar stirred in. As I was cooking my breakfast ever so precisely this morning, I found myself humming the song that my great-aunt (my grandma's sister) used to sing to me from the commercials she remembered from her childhood:

"Watch Wilhelmina, eat her Farina..."

** By the way, the "secret ingredient" in most of my grandma's sweet creations was pure vanilla extract. It was magic as a child when she pulled out that little brown bottle...

Très Chic!

2009-05-07T13:17:00.000-04:00

Click on the photo to enlarge!

One of my greatest loves is history, mainly learning as much as possible about the more mysterious, misunderstood women that get sensationalized by popular culture. I saw this new ad for Chanel No. 5 perfume yesterday featuring Audrey Tautou, an actress portraying the iconic Coco Chanel in Coco Avant Chanel, coming out this year. The film looks stunning and this commercial is so charmingly sexy. Tautou's likeness to Chanel is also uncanny! Looks like I have some reading and some viewing to do in the coming months!

P.S.- The Billie Holiday song is beautiful... it had me sold.

Yayy sun!

2009-05-06T17:16:00.000-04:00

Today is the first nice day all week. The sun finally decided to come out, it’s starting to warm up, and I’m relaxing and enjoying my week off before the semester ends. Even though things are lightening up, I’m still not out of a funk from all this bad news around. Rainy days, swine flu panic, and the stupid economy are all anyone can seem to talk about! So to break out of this sad little slump, I managed to find some budget friendly, bright, summery items to make me feel better:

A little lightweight dress in fun colors from Forever 21. I think these are great because they are so comfy and perfect for the hot weather. The braided straps are a nice detail, I think these are a must have for summer (and did you SEE the price???).

Handmade, inexpensive jewelry from Etsy. My roommate discovered this website and ordered this necklace for herself. The quality of the jewelry is superior and some of the prices are excellent. I will be visiting again when it's time for someone's birthday... or a time for a gift for myself.

Snake print, gladiator style sandals that aren't ridiculous. I typically HATE most gladiator sandals because they are so literal and masculine. These have a more delicate look to them and are faux snake which I have seen all over shoes and bags this year. They are also a total steal from a site called Go Jane. I don't know much about the quality of their products, but getting a few wears out of these sandals at $12.50 would be well worth it.

Fun nail-polish. I really can only do quick dry nail-polish because I'm so impatient, so I've long been searching for a fast, long-lasting, nail-polish in pretty colors for spring. NYC cosmetics

have long been desired only by pre-teens, but their budget-friendly line of nail-polishes are wonderful! I tried out the color "Times Square" and I was sold after it lasted two weeks on my toes without chipping. And at $1.99 a pop (versus $3-4 for other brands, I can afford to try more than one!

Last but not least, I decided that while we may be in a recession, there is no reason not to enjoy ourselves and partake in some summer festivities. I found a great recipe for a cool, refreshing champagne slushie. I love champagne, but on my budget I had to find a way to get around the price tag. I have been buying cheap $5-8 bottles of champagne for parties and I thought that would be a tasty and inexpensive way to make this recipe! Check out the rest of her blog for more yummy ideas.

I'm baaaccckkkkkk...

2009-05-06T13:36:00.001-04:00

So it’s been a while and I’ve decided to get back to blogging. My life as a twentysomething has been chaotic as usual and I figured now was a good time for an update. Since the last time I was here:

1.) I received a beautiful ring as a Christmas present. As you might have guessed, it came from that wonderful boyfriend I raved about in the beginning. Nooo, it's not THAT kind of ring... but six months later, things are still great and we have connected more than I ever have with anyone. I’ll spare you the mushy details… for now. This is my first expensive ring and is more beautiful than anything I’ve ever owned; this picture really doesn’t do it justice. (Please excuse my gnarly hands, I'm badly in need of a manicure!)

2.) I visited Newport…

… and New York City. I spent two days with my guy and loved every inch of that city. It has helped to reaffirm my love for that place AND my desire to reside there. We went shopping in SOHO and had drinks at a really amazing tequila bar among other things… but more about that in a future post.

3.) I successfully completed student teaching and am graduating with my bachelors this coming Sunday. To congratulate myself, I went out and bought a bright and happy dress to wear on the day:

I was really downplaying the whole event up until this week; I wasn’t stressed about finding a dress or how the day would go. But after all this damn hype from my friends and family, I’m starting to realize what a big deal this might be. I guess returning in the fall for one more year to get my masters made me less excited about finishing my undergrad.

So in the posts to come this summer, this twentysomething will continue to battle relationships, interests, and life while living at home for a few months… I promise it will be interesting and far more consistent.

Christmastime Love

2008-12-19T22:01:00.001-05:00

Christmas is a wonderful time of year for me. I love being with my extended family; they are amazing and we have lovely memories together. Tomorrow I will go to my great aunt’s house in Yonkers for one of our many traditional Christmas gatherings. Our family has many get-togethers around the holidays, traditions that go as far back as my mother’s childhood. As a family of full-blooded Italians (I am in the first generation non-full blooded Italians of the family, along with my siblings and a few of my cousins) one of the main things we do together is eat. The love, the laughter, the memories, are all made sitting around the table and of course, there is usually enough food to feed a small country. This is no ordinary food either. My family is filled with amazing cooks and bakers, none by occupation, all just products of the generation before them. Although we pretty much know what dishes to expect every year, it is never boring and always delicious. Here are a few of the things I am looking forward to eating tomorrow at this particular gathering:

Creamy Polenta with GRAVY – I grew up knowing the red stuff that you put on your macaroni as gravy, not sauce. I never found this out of the ordinary until I got to college and received looks of confusion from my roommates who had no idea why I would put brown “gravy” on my macaroni. Anyway, this wonderful dish is very different if you have never eaten polenta, a corn meal mush that is fantastic with gravy.

Homemade ravioli- My grandfather has become quite the cook in his retirement and makes a tasty ravioli with cheese, spinach, and beef.

Fresh antipasto- mozzarella, marinated artichoke hearts, roasted red peppers, stuffed mushrooms, black olives…

Assorted Italian pasteries and cookies- pizzelles (pronnounced like "pit-zelles"; my grandma is the master of these sweet cookies), cannolies, éclairs, Pignoli cookies, spritz, jelly filled, and my personal favorite, rainbow cookies!

Creamy rice pudding- Minus the raisins. This is my aunt’s specialty.

Every year I get a little more sentimental; I enjoy watching my family together, eating, laughing, telling stories… I cherish these times that we have together. So I’m looking forward to the plentiful eat and drink… and bringing my boyfriend so he can continue to understand what my family all about and take some more playful abuse from them.

The Art of Cardmaking

2008-12-12T11:48:00.000-05:00

One of my favorite pastimes is art. I enjoy many different forms of art, many of which I hope to be the topics of my future posts. But since the holiday season is drawing near, I figured my love of card making was an appropriate topic. I make cards for all occasions; holidays, birthdays, showers, thanks, etc. and enjoy giving them to my friends and family. I discovered this interest of mine when I began buying scrapbooking items from the craft store, yet could not find the patience to sit down and start a scrapbook. So using a lot of the really charming and ornate materials, I began making cards, applying scrapbooking technique on a smaller scale I suppose. Here are just a few of the many:

This needs a little string for the tag portion, but would be really sweet to give someone on their 21st:

This one is made for Valentine's Day, or perhaps an anniversary:

Here's a rather simple Christmas card, something I made a while back:

I’m sorry the pictures aren’t high quality and I'll try not to take them on my carpet next time, but you can see what it’s all about. I haven’t begun creating the little cards that I will include with my homemade Christmas gifts (yikes!), but I will post updates if I make something particularly special. I also hope to share some of the homemade gifts that I am doing for my family, so stay tuned!

Second Star to the right, and straight on 'till morning

2008-12-10T19:30:00.000-05:00

I met with a professor yesterday to catch up on things and to ask some questions about what kind of options I have once I graduate with my teaching degree. I must admit, my parents pushed me really hard to go to this university and to go into teaching. It’s safe, it’s smart, it’s a sure thing. But after spending some time in schools and talking with my supervising teacher at the elementary school, I must say I had a bit of a crisis. I watch her while she works and listen as she talks about how exhausted she is and how many things she has to do on the weekends and in her free time for school. Not only this, she has a particularly difficult group of third-graders this year and each day I am in that room with her, I watch her become frustrated and emotionally drained. So needless to say, I started panicking as I think about my future and needed a little reassuring about what I am doing.

As a child, I had to mature really quickly because of my home situation. I was expected to deal with my feelings and pretty much take care of myself. So as I entered my twenties and realized that I wasn’t a teenager anymore, I’ve started feeling apprehensive about growing up so fast. It’s like those people who suffer from Peter Pan Syndrome, who make it their mission to never ever grow up. When I met my boyfriend that I’ve been talking about, I was sure to tell him, “I’ll never grow up. I plan on being young forever.” I know that I will always be responsible and take care of my business, but I fear becoming old so much so that I have become a very silly, mischievous, adventurous, funny young woman.

As I thought about the story of Peter Pan and his companions, I remembered that one of his closest friends, Wendy, grows up after their wonderful adventures at the end of the story when she returns home. I do cherish the thought of one day falling recklessly in love, getting married with the wedding of my dreams, living in a city, buying a place to live, and having children of my own; the things that happen when you grow up. I spent a lot of my teen years longing to grow up and have these experiences and even now the scary, crazy idea of having a child is still really beautiful to me. I suppose all of this is the Wendy in me.

So here I am, stuck between growing up and staying young forever. Unlike Peter Pan, these dreams of the future are pleasing and promising to me, yet I cannot help but fear that I will turn out unhappy, detached, and stuffy, forgetting what it means to live life vivaciously and adventurously, just as Wendy forgot how to fly. I keep reminding myself that although Wendy grew up, Peter came back to her window every spring to see her and take her away to Neverland. So as I grow up, I need to make sure that I let the Peter Pan in me come back and live the way I did when I was young. I seem to think about things like this far too much, and as my professor talked with me about these concerns, she said something to me that stuck, “You know you don’t have to have your life figured out at twentysomething years old, right? Just live. It will all work out in time.”

Think happy thoughts.

This is the excerpt from the story Peter Pan that always resonated with me:

And then one night came the tragedy. It was the spring of the year, and the story had been told for the night, and Jane was now asleep in her bed. Wendy was sitting on the floor, very close to the fire, so as to see to darn, for there was no other light in the nursery; and while she sat darning she heard a crow. Then the window blew open as of old, and Peter dropped in on the floor. He was exactly the same as ever, and Wendy saw at once that he still had all his first teeth. He was a little boy, and she was grown up. She huddled by the fire not daring to move, helpless and guilty, a big woman.

"Hullo, Wendy," he said, not noticing any difference, for he was thinking chiefly of himself; and in the dim light her white dress might have been the nightgown in which he had seen her first.

"Hullo, Peter," she replied faintly, squeezing herself as small as possible. Something inside her was crying Woman, Woman, let go of me.

"Peter," she said, faltering, "are you expecting me to fly away with you?"

"Of course; that is why I have come." He added a little sternly, "Have you forgotten that this is spring cleaning time?"

She knew it was useless to say that he had let many spring cleaning times pass. "I can't come," she said apologetically, "I have forgotten how to fly."

"I'll soon teach you again."

"O Peter, don't waste the fairy dust on me."

She had risen; and now at last a fear assailed him. "What is it?" he cried, shrinking.

"I will turn up the light," she said, "and then you can see for yourself… I am old, Peter. I am ever so much more than twenty. I grew up long ago."

"You promised not to!"

"I couldn't help it. I am a married woman, Peter."

"No, you're not."

"Yes, and the little girl in the bed is my baby."

"No, she's not."

But he supposed she was; and he took a step towards the sleeping child with his dagger upraised. Of course he did not strike. He sat down on the floor instead and sobbed; and Wendy did not know how to comfort him, though she could have done it so easily once. She was only a woman now, and she ran out of the room to try to think.

An Original...

2008-12-08T22:48:00.001-05:00

Heart is light
my thoughts are stirred,
and constant vision
does now disturb.
His form strong,
even if not by;
etched deep in memory,
ever present in mine eye.
Inside consumed,
a spell lurks deep
his spirit buried,
in my keep.
The thought of touch,
of scent, of gaze,
this mystery burns,
an unkempt blaze.
While in waiting
these dreams they stay,
to desire surrender
and love obey.

-AB '08

The Victoria's Secret Fashion Show

2008-12-04T15:29:00.000-05:00

The Victoria’s Secret fashion show was last night, a yearly viewing tradition for me.
I am usually green with envy over the gorgeous bodies of most of those models and last night was no exception, but the whole thing prompted me to think about why I enjoy watching this every year. I grew up with the Victoria’s Secret empire and have watched the models, the collections, and the business morph into the giant it is today. But while the fashion show is a huge, glittering, celebrity-studded affair, it occurred to me that I had completely overlooked what it actually is; a fashion show. With that in mind, I watched as the ladies stomped down that runway in the beautiful pieces and saw art in motion. That may seem strange to say, because after all, it is a lingerie show, but if you look closely you see the creative genius behind many of the outfits in the collection. Many were conceptually complex, structurally beautiful, and difficult to wear I imagine! I cannot even begin to understand what it must have felt like as a designer and artist to see your creation realized as it came down the runway for millions to see. It was a really cool moment for me and I appreciated the energy and all the behind-the-glitter people that were involved.

If you didn’t see the show, I encourage you to check out fashionising.com for photos and victoriassecret.com for behind the scenes videos.

Finding Love

2008-12-03T14:00:00.002-05:00

It may not be much of a shock, but like many young people, I’m in love. I’ve been dating this guy officially for a month, but we were fast and close friends starting 3 months ago and ever since then, I’ve been head over heels. He is someone who I have a ton of fun with; he makes me smile and we care a lot about each other (besides the fact that he is gorgeous!!!)… So naturally, things are wonderful. I’ve read a lot of fairy tales, seen a lot of love-story movies that depict love as a grand series of splendid events; a whirlwind of discovery and bliss that moves you to the very core and will devastate you if it is lost. Overall, these tales have taught me some important things. While love may not actually look like what is in those books and movies, true love is different. True love is not something that is found everyday; it’s something that I believe many people never really find.

The events of my life in combination with these stories, have led me to conjure up ideas of what I perceive true love to be. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about it and maybe even more time wondering how to find it. I come from a family of broken hearts; my parents divorced what I was 8, each remarrying several years later. Although my mother and father had good times when they were young, I don’t believe they were ever happy. I don’t believe they are happy now either. Even before my parents, both sets of my grandparents were victims of broken hearts (over 30 years ago). While my grandmothers never remarried, both grandfathers have been in new relationships for quite some time.
I realized at an early age that I never had good examples in my immediate life of what true love looks like. I’m pretty much seeking that out and defining it on my own.

For me, finding true love has been a constant theme in my life. I surely don’t believe that having someone in your life is everything. But I have come to realize that having someone to share life with is a wonderful thing! I guess there are conditions to that philosophy however; it is necessary to be getting everything you want and need of out of the relationship and giving all your best back. Maybe that’s the problem… it feels impossible and unrealistic to find someone that can give you everything you want and need. But beyond wants and needs, I feel like there might be more to it. I have dreamed of someone that would fulfill my soul, a relationship where we would look at one another and find each and every thing about the other beautiful. I have dreamed of someone who appreciates and accepts my past, someone who wants to discover life with me. I don’t know if I’ve been tainted by the dramatic and magnificent stories in the pages of books and movie scripts, but I believe that while nothing can be perfect, that true love exists.

So even though I’m still in the puppy-love stage of this romance, I am already feeling filled up inside by this guy. I know for sure I’m in love… I feel it in every ounce of my being. I plan on taking things one day at a time, enjoying our time together, giving all I can back, and being honest and open. I remain hopeful and excited…

Welcome!

2008-12-02T18:00:00.001-05:00

I’m Ashley Marie, welcome to the birth of my blog. As you might have guessed, I’m a twenty-something and my life thus far has been crazier than most. I wanted to start this blog to chronicle some of the ridiculous and beautiful events that come my way, as well as share some of the many passions, interests, and curiosities I have. I’m not a great writer, so I hope you can excuse any mistakes you come across!

So I suppose I don’t really know where this will take me. But I hope that at least can share some fun things and see what others think. I hear that your twenties are a time where you find yourself, so I guess I’ll start looking. It’s bound to be interesting!